The African Flu

February 7, 2010 § 3 Comments

The African Flu.  I think I have it.  Three days ago I began to feel an annoying scratching in my throat.  I figured I had the makings of the common cold coming on but it went away… a little.  Never quite left completely.   Then my head got achy, like it was stuffing up and plugging my ears.  My eyes burned and watered.  Then I began to get sick to my stomach.  Food only made it worse after a slight improvement.  Then the shits.  Lots of the shits.  Sickly stomach.  Gradually stuffing nose.  Erratic sneezing. Fatigue.  Was beginning to sound like the flu only no fever.  No vomiting.  An incompetent virus I was figuring.

So today I sit, still trying to get this shit to go away, but it won’t.  The stuffy nose is worse, like the virus moved in a few of its relatives.  Eyes are still fighting to stay open even though I just slept for hours.  Fever still not working.  This is like a nigger bug.  It won’t quite work up to the standards of the real flu and it won’t fucking go away.  Annoying as all hell.  This is a nigger virus taking shelter in my body…Affirmative Infection, uninvited of course.  I wrap myself in a blanket and take Tylenol, drink lots of fluids and rest all fucking day but still nothing.  No matter what I give this nigger cold, it won’t fucking go away.  There is but one conclusion.  I have acquired the African Flu…the most incompetent, lazy, worthless virus on the planet.  I wish I knew where I got it so I can never go there again!

§ 3 Responses to The African Flu

  • Miss Ann says:

    Sounds like instead of the “Pig flu” you had the “Nig flu”. I’m just surprised and relieved symptoms don’t include raping, looting or other sorts of TNB. At least you’ll build up an immunity towards nigger viruses now.

    Hope you feel better though, seriously.

  • bird says:

    Even in sickness, you crack me up. Are you having any urges to drink malt liquor or eat fried chicken? Anyways, get well soon bro.

  • Intolerant says:

    It’s a relentlessly annoying cold! Now there are coughing fits…fucking niggers.

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