My Incoherent Football Analysis

February 5, 2007 § 7 Comments


First off, it’s just a fucking game.  A game where a pack of apes led by a typically human brainstormer chase a bloated banana shaped ball made of pork into certain territories and try to brutally assault each other to either protect or prevent the pork from being taken to any one tribal camp.  Touchdown.  Or; life in the ghetto meets jungle territorial wars.  What ever anyone wants to call it, many enjoy watching it.  It’s sport.  It’s an opportunity to wager on the unpredictable behavior of wild animals.  It’s organized violence broken up in this particular instance by a wailing little homosexual chimpanzee called Prince and promoted as a musician.  It is on television all through its season highlighting different tribes (or teams as they are sometimes called) in competition for the big battle at the very end.  It’s a huge part of American culture with many fans devoted to talking about each battle (or game) in detail the following days to fellow fans and other alcoholic couch potatoes.  It appeals to both apes and humans alike.

So why is the race or species of any participant important?  I thought we were all striving for diversity and unity…(contradictions, I know, but I didn’t devise this plan).  Why would the coach or any of the players be concerned with the race of anyone when we must assume it just doesn’t matter, unless it really does matter?  Because it only matters when the individual giving the speech is of Simian American decent.  Never have I heard a winning coach or player step up to the podium and express pride for being the 40th white coach to win the Superbowl.  Or the 39th or the 38th or the 37th…because white folks have always been handed victories.  Because white folks have been the only ones ever allowed the opportunity to hold such a coveted position in sporting history.  You’d almost think so listening to these chimps talk…Dungy became the first black coach to win the championship, beating good friend and protégé Lovie Smith in a game that featured the first two black coaches in the Super Bowl.

“It feels great. I thought about that as I was on the podium,” Dungy said. “Being the first African-American coach to win it. I have to dedicate to some guys before me – great coaches I know could have done this if they had gotten the opportunity. Lovie and I were able to take advantage of it. We certainly weren’t the most qualified.”

Huh?  I have to dedicate to some guys before me?  What the huh?  What does his color have to do with anything except for the fact he can’t even put a sentence together that makes sense?  Has he been held back in previous years because he was black?  I doubt it, seeing as a majority of the players of the sport are black.  So why is it so important he tell us he is black?  I thought it wasn’t supposed to matter.  I wish these assholes would make up their fucking minds.  Do they want us to point at them and scream, “Look!   He’s a nigger!   A nigger!  He’s  nigger!” ?   Why do they insist on standing up and telling us at every opportunity?  “Look at me!   I’m a nigger and I actually accomplished something!”   Oh wait…I get it.  That IS news.  Never mind.

§ 7 Responses to My Incoherent Football Analysis

  • jen says:

    I am cynical and think it is likely that this was emphasized by the winner mostly because they want to be remembered, and get more money. People love to interview the first such and such. The second and third who cares, right?
    I’ll be the first woman to coach the winning Super Bowl team. Watch for me on Time Magazine.

  • intolerant says:

    I don’t think it can go that deep for blacks Jen. They only see things in terms of their race. Everything revolves around them being black. You bought me a black wallet for Kwanzaa because I’m black…how thoughtful. Not only was I the superbowl winning coach, I am black too. They are discriminated against because they are black- but they consider discrimination being arrested for committing crimes. Arrested because they are black, not criminals. It’s all about being black to blacks. Oprah isn’t just a very successful talk show hostess who turned her life into a multi-million dollar enterprise. She’s a BLACK woman who did all that. She overcame her racial inopportunity to become what she is. Martha Stewart was handed all of her success. As a white woman, she had no obstacles. Niggers trivialize human accomplishment.

  • jen says:

    I stand corrected…

  • intolerant says:

    I’m sorry, that sounded like a lecture! Actually you could very well be correct. I just choose to take the road I always travel…I simply can’t attribute anything requiring forethought or even a thin plan to African American colored folks. There might be some who don’t fit the pattern.

  • jen says:

    I like the lectures, this is your area of expertise, not mine!

  • intolerant says:

    The Onion is once again on top of things! Great story. I forgot it was Afigan Merigan Momph…I need to get something together to celebrate!

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