Chinese Army Mess Halls

May 19, 2006 § 3 Comments

I’ve been spouting off the past few years about Chinese buffets and how they are popping up everywhere. Now I have a place to spout off even more with the invention of the blog. Once again, I have a theory, but first I must comment on the number of these restaurants all across the US. Even in resort towns where things like seafood or local cuisine are what everyone is looking for. For example, I was riding along headed out onto Cape Cod. It was beaches on either side with cottages and seafood joints all along the way. I was getting a little hungry and still had a way to go, so I got in my head Sub Way and maybe getting a sandwich. Now no disputing these types of places always have McDonald's and other fast food type shithouses along with the real food joints so I figured nothing faster than a sandwich. Couldn’t find one. Not a sub shop to be found, so I conceded; McDonald's then. No. Nothing but high end restaurants and two Chinese Buffets. On Cape Cod. Ok, why not. I accepted it and kept driving and the story fades into nothingness. Cut to the Outer Banks in NC; same situation a year or so later. Think I could find a stinking sandwich shop? Nope. I guess I was too far out on the islands, but I did find a Chinese Buffet at every single sign of civilization on the cruise south! Sub Way? No chance. General Tso chicken all you can eat? You bet! What the fuck? But wait there’s more. St Maarten last year. In the resort complex. Chinese Buffet!

People just love these fucken things! All over town here they’re packed with senior citizens nuts because they can eat till they puke for under 6 bucks! I must admit, I love them too. But then I thought OnStar was a neat idea for emergencies on the road too, so my first impressions aren’t always on target. Anyway, I began to over think the entire scenario and I came up with this bleak possibility. What if the Chinese, a historically patient people were planning a slow methodical infiltration of the world by means of Chinese Buffets? Just think about it. You see these big box trucks on the roads or parked behind Jonny Chong all you can eat Chinese Buffet with Mongolian Buffet and Italian food restaurant theoretically delivering food supplies. Or are they? Could those boxes of egg rolls and fortune cookies also contain 7.62mm ammunition, 100 round clips and AK-47s? The workers at these places usually all live together like sardines in homes within close proximity to the restaurants. Hell one place here even has an old motel attached where they all live! At 11 o’clock it’s like “release the hounds!” and there are Chinese kids dressed in black and white scurrying across the parking lot to start work. What if these folks were all Chinese army recruits working special ops? Shit, there’s like 10 billion of the little fuckers so why not? Suppose when the shit hits the fan, Chef Wo Kim becomes Brigadier General Wo Kim of the third billionth infantry of the Chinese National Army?! Instantly they have a fully capable army already situated in the country along with barracks and mess halls and what ever the fuck else they want! My God man, how did we let this happen? We let it happen because the shit is so fucken good and you can eat it until you fucken explode…that’s how! The little pricks are so slick nobody even suspected they would pull off such a thing! I’m telling you, it’s so already here we can’t even think about fighting it now! Little sons of bitches can turn on us any time they want and have control of just about every single town in the country over night! Those black and white outfits they wore yesterday are camouflage today!

And so, another page from my little book of paranoia. BTW, my respect for the intelligence of the Asians should be evident here. Never could even a trillion niggers figure out how to invade a village let alone an entire country. And we all know I couldn’t end this rant without mentioning niggers. Good Day…

§ 3 Responses to Chinese Army Mess Halls

  • ButterSnatch says:

    I loves me some stuff-yourself-till-you-puke restaurants. Nothing like having to unbuckle your belt, while sitting at the table, so you can fit more in your gut! And the sweet & sour dog is TO DIE FOR.

    Gotta give chops to the slants though. They are a bunch of smart mother fuckers and will be taking over the world shortly. Mark my words… we’ll see it in our lifetime.

  • Dubs says:

    Every one I’ve been with has a small penis. In case you were wondering.

  • Intolerant says:

    OK…good to know I suppose.

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